I’m not sure where to begin but feel compelled to put my pieces of thoughts together to form a total picture.

I’ve recently been embroiled in a rather heated discussion in a forum online. I remain on that forum despite the nastiness of a few there only because I feel that there are enough readers who will read and glean what they need from what I and others write within the concept of the focused topic. I love to share what I find makes sense and what is confirmed to be true from the horses with whom I live and with whom I work. Yes, I use the word ‘whom’ as if speaking about humans only because each horse IS a unique and gifted being with messages each of their own to share with those who can and will listen.

Yesterday was totally draining for more than one reason.  My head was not able to hold the barrage of incoming fire and my thinking became ‘stuck’. Unfortunately, where it was ‘stuck’ was in a mode of defense. A mode of defense for something which is very dear to me – a gift, or gifts, from God.

I value the information I receive from my horses as I know that God’s hand is upon the messages. Needless to say they don’t always line up with the ‘tangible’ human ears, eyes or hearts. And being, by nature, a very stubborn person at times yet sometimes overwhelmed with fear and insecurities, I tend to go with what is familiar and ‘safe’ to me – much as horses do the same – when feeling threatened. Threatened not in a physical sense but in a sense that batters what has become and is truth in my thinking and heart.  Thus — I get stuck.

Being ‘stuck’ in that mode is surely as self-focused as one can imagine. It is totally ego-centered and not a place where I LIKE to be. And being ‘stuck’ in my own ego means I cannot focus on others as I’m too focused on *ME*. Makes for a very small world.

I went to bed stewing over this discussion on the forum wondering WHY people were not ‘seeing’ what I was (or thought I was) trying to relate. My head literally hurt with the thinking about it. When I awoke, my first thoughts were, again, on this online discussion but with a bit of a different twist than the night before.

I saw where the discrepancies were and realized I was S.T.U.C.K. last night in my thinking. *I* was so stuck that I was unable to comprehend a simple statement – I had skewed that statement and missed an important key point in it. Because of that, and because of my insistence in replying based on that stuck thinking, the tensions grew, the judgments flew and regardless that ‘it’s JUST the internet, Gwen!, the words that were thrown back at me hurt, discouraged, caused doubt and I felt like I did back in grammar school when the school yard bullies would torment me.

Do we, as adults, need to go through this STILL in a grown-up world? Good grief!

BUT — (and this is a big but!) … 2 things came to mind.

1.  I felt that way because I ALLOWED myself to feel that way.

And

2.  I realized just how STUCK horses can become in their thinking and just how humans can cause MORE insecurities and defensive feelings simply by how they RESPOND to the horses’ own responses.

We humans have the capabilities to CONTROL our emotions and how we receive what others say and do to us. We can make a choice of whether to allow the situation to control us and our own thinking/feelings.  Or we can take that difficult situation and turn it around to blend thoughts and words and feelings harmoniously in order to obtain the most positive outcome for both or all parties concerned.

This morning I wrote on the forum that I was wrong, I was stuck in my thinking and corrected some of my previous assumptions and statements. –Against my own defenses saying NO! … you’re putting yourself out there too vulnerably — too naked — don’t DO THAT! But, I did. It was humbling yet healing at the same time. Now I can move on.

The response? More battering with words, more judgment, more barrage of insults, innuendos and mean-spirited jokes and laughter about how stupid or moronic I was/am that it took me ‘THAT LONG!” to get it – to get unstuck. How inept, how stupid, how absolutely nuts can someone ‘who professes to be professional’ DO THIS !?!?!

(Right? — I’m not human like everyone else or maybe everyone else is so much better than I that they are p.e.r.f.e.c.t. in every sense of the word? OK — never mind. More defensiveness creeping up. Won’t go there and lose the lesson.)

And here’s the lesson ::

Now, if I were a horse? Those responding posters would have been kicked up one side and down the other simply out of defensive behavior and then run over in flight.

How often do we, as horsemen, attack a horse with a stuck mind? We ‘up the pressure’ and ‘up the pressure’ more and more until what? The horse responds in the ONLY way he or she is hard-wired to do … and either runs or fights back. Keep in mind that the flight or the fight doesn’t have to necessarily be a physical behavior but can exhibit in extreme resistance or freezing. Freezing is actually the third “F” in the psychological response category:

FLIGHT – FIGHT – FREEZE – FAINT

How can this response be averted? Avoided? Stopped?

Simply by stopping the bullying, seeing things from the other’s viewpoint and perhaps CHANGE the way we are communicating so the words, the requests, the INTENT is changed.

Simply stop the increase in pressure causing more defensiveness and TEACH and HELP the horse to understand exactly what is being request of him/her.

The intent yesterday (and still today) on the forum was and is, crystal clear — to belittle me and show the rest of the world just how ‘stupid’ I am.  AND — so the posters can feel better about themselves. See how smart they are? See how educated they are? See how much better they are than I?

Oh yes … I see now but not what or the way they thought I’d see.

If the INTENT was truly to help me SEE what it was that I was missing then … well, actually … maybe this lesson would not have been so embedded in my own thinking now. Maybe it would have gotten lost or not even started.

It’s an awesome lesson, tho and I’ll not forget it, that’s for sure.

Please think on this lesson that I’ve shared the next time your horse is a bit resistant or even alot resistant. Perhaps he’s having a ‘stuck’  moment or two as well. Help him THROUGH it — encourage him and see what and how you can change YOUR request, YOUR intent, YOUR words or body language that will help your horse to feel GOOD about ‘getting it’. Don’t try to batter and beat ‘it’ into him.

I can only hope that it will bring good and more harmony to the horses’ worlds as I enter into them.

Oh, and of course, to the humans’ worlds, as well.

🙂