The 12 Fastest Ways to Connect with The Horse

Modeled after “The 12 Fastest Ways to Establish Rapport” from “littlethingsmatter.com” by Todd Smith

In his article, “The 12 Fastest Ways to Establish Rapport”, Todd Smith states,

“One of the keys to my success as an entrepreneur has been my ability to quickly build rapport with people. This was especially important when I was a realtor as I generally had less than one hour to get a seller to like and trust me enough to employ my services.”

In this article, I will share with you 12 ways you can accelerate the connection process as described by Todd except written in the point of view of connecting with the Horse. These methods can be used during your next visit to your horse, when you meet with a prospective training client or at the next training session you attend. Essentially, they can be used in any situation to quickly build relationships between you and any horse.

1.  Be On Time— Now when working with humans we all know what its like to be left waiting for someone who is late. It’s annoying, it causes us stress and we end up angry with that other person. When working with horses, the timing with which we work is essential to complete understanding on behalf of the horse. When we ask the horse to do something, to perform some behavior, if we don’t release the horse in perfect time, the horse simply will not understand what it is we want. Horses think moment to moment and must receive timely releases as a positive response to the ‘correct’’ answer. If we’re late with our release the horse will have performed maybe up to 3 other behaviors in the few second delay. This simply means that the last behavior he exhibited is the one he’s being into which he’s being released thus it must be the ‘right’ one in his thinking.

Be astute as to your timing. If you ask the horse something then instant release of pressure is necessary for the horse to be absolutely clear about your request. Release or mark the EXACT INSTANT of the behavior. Not seconds afterwards and certainly not at the end of the day ‘for doing such a good job’. Instant release.

2.  Look Good—Todd talks about the importance of our first impression when meeting people and how that creates a lasting impression. The first impression you make on people creates a lasting impression and it begins with the way we look. While a horse could not really care any less about how we look, he DOES care about how we put ourselves ‘out there’. Are we confident? Do we feel good? Are we friendly and outgoing?  The way we look influences the way we feel. Take pride in your appearance even when you’ve been hours mucking a barn. Hold your head high and let the horse know you feel good.

The horse’s first impression won’t have a hoot or a holler as to the clothes you wear but everything will balance on how you FEEL. Horses depend on the energy and intent of others to ‘feel them out’ … so when we look good, we feel good and we exude more confidence. The horse will sense a strong leader and be more inclined to connect with us because of that ‘feel’.

3.  Smile—“When you meet people for the first time, the first thing they are going to notice is your overall look, but then their attention will immediately go to your face. If you offer a warm, welcoming and sincere smile, they will be instinctively drawn to you. The key with your smile is to show an authentic interest in the other person, rather than the standard half-hearted smile that almost everyone uses.”

Not only should you focus on your smile when you first go out to your horse or meet a horse for the first time, but you also want to focus on smiling during your time together. The more you smile, the more relaxed you will be and the more your intent will be evident to the horse. FOCUS on that horse; don’t allow your attention to be drawn elsewhere. The horse needs to know that when he’s with you he’s going to be able to trust you 100% at all times. Once you’ve turned your attention elsewhere, that cord of intent is broken and the horse will feel left behind.

An honest smile creates an air of friendliness and relaxation and trust.

4.  Make Eye Contact—Now many horse people tell us NOT to make eye contact as its too threatening. On the other hand, eye contact with the horse can relay a myriad of feelings and intents all of which the horse takes in and understands. There are times when we should keep our eyes averted from the horse but when initially meeting the horse, using ‘soft eyes’ will soften the initial impact of newness. Horses are naturally wary of anyone or anything that is new. That’s part of their survival instinct. But looking at the horse with soft eyes full of love will draw him to you.

5.  Your Handshake—The handshake really shares intent and feeling. If someone holds a hand out for a welcoming, greeting handshake and it is not received or reciprocated, the person feels rebuffed and rebuked. The same applies to the horse.

The horse doesn’t hold up is hoof for a handshake but does offer a nose. Greeting the horse simply with an outstretched, softly curled hand, reciprocates the horse’s offer of a ‘handshake’.  Quietly greet the horse with the ‘handshake’ and then, much as if you wouldn’t keep pumping another person’s hand forever, release that handshake and quietly lower your hand and softly turn and walk away. If the horse continues to want to sniff you, be alert but allow him to do so. Another way of assessing its environment, the horse’s nose takes in much more in the way of smell than humans do. Its nose warns him of danger, of safety, of friendliness, of discord with another. Offer your outstretched hand in a gesture of honest greeting, of “Hello! Nice to meet you.”  Turning and walking away tells the horse you are not wanting to be offensive or demanding but just wanted to ‘say hello’ and you’re confident in turning and walking away. A lower ranking horse would back away from a new horse but a leading horse will turn and walk away. You can then go back and say “hello” again, following with a gentle stroke down the neck, if allowed, before starting your work with that horse.

6.  Make Your Welcome Greeting Stand Out— During your first ‘hello’ handshake allow nothing else to come into your mind or distract you from your greeting. Just as people want to feel they are THE most important in your time of the handshake, horses need to know that also. Just as the horse is ‘sniffing you out’, do the same to the horse – notice his smell, his fur, the color of his eyes, the feel of his breath on your hand, the feel of his whiskers – focus on nothing else but that horse and exude a feeling of love and acceptance to him. He’ll get it and feel more secure about having you around him.

7.  Repeat Their Names— Saying something like, “Oh Blue – its so nice to meet you!” quietly and verbally helps YOU stay focused but also allows the horse to feel the timbre of your voice. If you’re exuding love and acceptance through your handshake but also quietly reiterating it with your voice, the horse will get a strong sense of your honesty and integrity. Repeating their names lets them be aware you’re talking directly to them and again, helps them feel secure in their meeting with you.

8.  Be Friendly— There are all sorts of ‘feelings’ that are tossed around during an initial meeting with someone. An honest FRIENDLY feeling automatically makes one WANT to be with the other. Friendliness is a good feeling. It’s a welcoming feeling. It’s a warm feeling. Horses are naturally friendly and curious. Meeting a horse with that same friendliness and curiosity helps to settle the horse and draw him to you.

9.  Show an Interest in Them—Focus, focus, focus on the ‘right now’. The ‘right now’ being that moment between you and the horse. Nothing else matters to the horse except that moment. Be IN that moment with the horse by excluding any other thoughts from your mind except that horse. Notice the feeling you receive from the horse – pay attention to his mood, his feelings and his output. Show a true interest in that horse. Division of attention will only confuse the horse and cause him to be wary of you. Be focused on THE HORSE every moment you’re with him.

10.  Listen With Interest—Yes, horses ‘talk’ … those little words or phrases or feelings in your mind and gut are what you’re receiving from the horse. Pay attention to them. You may get what you feel is an obscure thought out of the blue such as, “I’m feeling a bit peaked today!” … and that thought does not come across in your own words or in a manner that you would exhibit – that’s the horse letting you know about his day, his feelings, his moments. Go with it. Listen closely and even reiterate as if you’re having a conversation with another human. Speaking out loud, softly, to the horse will not only help to calm him, but you as well AND … will help you focus on the moment of greeting and at hand.

11.  Compliment Them—While the horse may or may not be able to understand your WORDS , compliment them anyway. Our thoughts, our speech, our very existence all put forth energies which a horse receives and ‘reads’. Complimenting a horse on something allows YOU to put forth energy that is warm and sincere. Again, it also helps you concentrate and focus on the HORSE and not what is going on around you.

12.  Model Them— Now this is the main secret! Horses mirror one another; they mirror humans. If YOU mirror the horse then its going to be a draw to him. It will draw him to you like a magnet.  You won’t have to go ‘chasing’ them round and round and round in the round pen or paddock. In fact, I recommend against that! You can ask the horse to move a few steps or allow him to move off after your initial handshake but then fall right in WITH him and MODEL the horse! Mirror that horse. If he stops, you stop. If he puts his head down to graze you look down to the ground. If he turns to the left, you turn to the left. To the right? You turn to the right. Keep your shoulders and your hips MIRRORING the horses. Do this while facing the same direction as the horse just as if you were standing on the other side of a mirror. Watch your timing … yep, timing is important here just as much as it is in ‘releasing’ the horse from pressure. Now you are mirroring the horse. The horse will, in very short order, stop, look up at you and at that point you’ll FEEL the connection being made and can then ask the horse to follow YOU, to mirror YOU and the partnership dance will begin.

If you will work on these 12 steps to connecting with a horse, horses will be drawn to you like a magnet. In fact, if you utilize them in your relationships with other people then you will find more people being drawn to you.

Our work with our horses naturally spill over to our everyday lives with others. Once we learn to softly but confidently greet a horse, we can then utilize the same principles with the people we meet in our business, organizations, stables … wherever.

My challenge to you?  Try these 12 steps the next time you go out to your horse in the pasture. No halter, no leads, no restraint – just as two people meet and greet, follow the steps with your horse as outlined above.

I know you’ll be pleasantly surprised!